Standing on his Promises!

Throughout my pregnancy I filled my heart and mind with the verse...

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13

Although, our Sweet Baby Lucas came sooner than expected at 37 weeks and 6 days.  We were more than happy to meet him and he came on his own time.  I actually was able to feel the whole pregnancy experience including water breaking, 12 hours of contractions, and c-section experience that I was unable to relate to with the birth of Addison.  

As most of you already know.  

Our baby boy Lucas Clemente Espinoza came on November 7, 2014 at 12:23 pm.  He came out weighing 6lbs. 8oz.  He was 19 3/4 inches long.  He was so much more tiny than his sister was.  I did not ever expect to have something so tiny.

We were awaiting the news to know if our little precious baby boy did indeed have the chromosomal disorder of Trisomy 21, "down syndrome."  To us he looked like a teeny tiny baby boy with 10 fingers, 10 toes, eyes, nose, mouth, legs, feet, hands, and everything else that a little fella would have to be a healthy growing boy.  We didn't notice or see anything different or abnormal.  Then, a couple days later, a doctor and nurse from the NICU at the hospital came and visited doing their daily rounds visiting all her little babies around the hospital and she asked if we had any further questions about his chromosomal disorder.  I said well, "no one has told us anything."  "we just see our sweet baby boy who looks like his big sister."  We did not really know what to see or expect at this point.  We were told blood work was drawn to confirm or rule out the prognosis.  Then, the doctor proceeded to tell me that he has many of the characteristics that a baby has for Trisomy 21.  Meaning the measurement of his ear to his eye, a larger space between his big toe and his 2nd toe, short stubby fingers, and the marble skin tone on his body.  Since my diagnosis was 99.1% they pretty much knew that he would be diagnosed with the chromosomal disorder of Trisomy 21 without needing the confirmed blood work. 

 I am not going to lie at that moment tears just began to fall down my face.  Although, I have known and prepared myself for this news since 25 weeks into my pregnancy but to actually hear and know for a fact that we were truly chosen to raise and nurture this sweet baby boy was a reality.  I can now say and know what it means to know that our children are our children and no matter what they look like or what they do we LOVE them unconditionally and we look past all the flaws.  To me all I saw was my sweet baby Lucas and still that is what I see.  Family members looked at him and that was all they saw.  It was so amazing how God protected our minds and hearts.  At this moment I still clung to my verse and repeated it over and over in my head.  Trying to seek reassurance that we were chosen for a purpose and all things are possible through him who strengthens me.  

Then, all of the sudden I was told that they needed to test to see if he was jaundice and he was so he needed to wear the BilliBlanket, which is the blue light which will help his coloring and help his liver begin to really work on its own.  He looked like a little "glow worm."

Finally after 5 days and 48 hours on the blue blanket we were able to come home!

Suddenly, I felt doubtful of doing this special job of raising this special boy and why was my family chosen to be apart of his life.  God, quickly placed a song in my heart and mind reminding me to keep standing on his promises he will not let us fall.  The waterworks turned on and off all day.  But, each time new songs would fill my head to remind me about trusting him.  "Trust and obey...for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus, is to trust and obey!"  Slowly my why turned into fear and being afraid.  I began to doubt my ability to be the Mommy this little boy needed.  

I began to pray and seek understanding through his word.  Another verse came over me reminding me about being afraid and having fear is okay.

So I am standing on all of his promises as I am reminded of this verse...

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid..."  Psalms 56:3-4

 As I continued through the day I began to regain strength and understanding and my heart continually began to feel once again all of the JOY this sweet little boy would and will bring to our family and friends. 

"All for a special PURPOSE"

On the same day Lucas was born, a song written and sang by Garth Brooks on Good Morning America, on November 7th appeared on my facebook page.  It was so ment for me to hear.  Reminding me of my job as Lucas' Mommy.  All things were placed in a special order for me slowly preparing me for my journey.  

"All for a special PURPOSE" 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyWADizqtHk 

We will continue to ask for your thoughts and your prayers.  We have a big/long road ahead of us that will require continual prayers.  Lucas needs to have daily prayers because he will still need surgery at 4-6 months old and he needs to gain weight to be strong enough to endure the surgery on his heart.

My ultimate job is to be his Mommy, to love, teach, and protect him to the BEST of my ability.